Just yesterday I was at a wedding for an old friend. I saw a guy from high school floating around, not talking to anyone, being all lost and anti-social. This guy was totally weird back in school and everyone made fun of him so I felt bad seeing him again with no one to hang out with.
I thought to myself, “We aren’t kids anymore, he deserves to have a good time, too,” so I went over and said, “Hey Tim! We went to school together…. Kyle Weber? Grade 11 tech?”
He looked at me and smiled. “Hey! Kyle! Yeah, I remember you!” He talked as though no one had talked to him all night. He seemed relieved, almost excited to be given a chance.
Then, he looked at my bald head and shouted, “Man! What the hell happened to you!?!?”
From this, I can tell you a few things:
First, Tim is still a fucking weirdo and I shouldn’t have wasted my time feeling sorry for him.
Secondly, hairline jokes and bald jokes in general are a result of this weird-ass social assumption. You see a bald guy, and you just assume a joke is the correct response.
Thirdly, bald jokes are a way for guys with low self-esteem to elevate themselves by putting you down. They think because you’re going bald, it’s got to be a soft spot. The secret is to not let it be. Bald jokes only hurt the guys who are ashamed of going bald. If you rock it, the guy making the joke looks petty. Not to mention it’s fucking embarrassing to take a jab at someone and completely miss. Be confident with your bald head and the jokes will bounce right off you.
Which brings me back to Tim. When I answered his comment with, “I shaved my head. What are you sayin' these days?” he let me know he’d been unemployed for the last 5 months and was living with his parents. I told him to stay positive and things would turn around for him - except they probably won’t, because his hairline is going to shit. Tim is unemployed, single, living with mom and dad, and destined to be bald in the next 2 years.
I can't wait to track him down in two years and say, "Tim? Is that you? What the fuck happened!?!?"
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